This time of year I typically would get more depressed than any other time of the year.  I always wondered why would my mood be down when there was such beauty around me with the changing of the leaves etc...It was not until recently, when upon reflection, I became aware that the fall is always in the midst of Rosh Hashana,(Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur, (Day of Atonement).  In my past, which Don Ruiz calls, "My domestication", I would be quilted into believing that I have to go to synagogue for the holidays or would not be written in the book of life for the following year.  Personally, sitting through hours of service was pure torture for me.  I was not quite sure if it had to do with my pre-diagnosed ADD symptoms or my complete boredom of reading from a hebrew prayer-book,  even thou I was taught how to read hebrew,  I had no clue what I was reading or singing. When the prayer books had english translation on the opposite side, I took the time to read them. What I read was how mighty our Jewish Lord is and how much of a sinner I am. During Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, I was to repeat countless numbers of sins I either knowingly or unconsciously committed. My take away from these holidays was that I was either going to die in the coming year or at the very least I was a horrible person.

Obviously, It was far easier for me to accept the latter. When I started to become conscious and not just willing to accept everything I was taught, I started to research other religious and spiritual writings. I studied Kabbalah, Buddhism, Don Ruiz, Eckart Tolle and Science of Religion. They all had teachings in common. Beliefs that we are all part of the oneness of the universe and that everything you do has a positive or negative effect on the universe. The premise that you will get back what you give or to put it as the proverb, "You will reap what you sow".

The more I examined my heart, I became conscious that what is important is to love who I am becoming and not worrying about what others wanted me to be. I believe that I am a much better person today than I ever was. However, I do acknowledge the need to continually grow and practice the tools that have helped me in my continual recovery.  I hope that in the weeks to come I will be able to help others by sharing my journey and tools that have helped me in my recovery.  I will be showing numerous organic videos of my journey living in and out of mental illness.  You will also be able to witness family members, friends, my psychiatrist, and others perception of my illness.

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