What was my biggest trigger now has become my greatest pleasure. When my ex-wife screamed in front of my children, "Your dad is a cancer to this family, he is sick and needs to leave our home immediately." It tore me up from my insides. I had more anger and pain inside me that I was ready to take my life. Instead, I chose to go to a friend's house who was built like a bull. I knew he could withstand the explosion of emotion that was ready to come out of my insides. When my care pulled up into his driveway I noticed a couple other people with him. I ignored my instinct to settle down and instead opened my card and ran to my friend and lifted him up off his feet and cried hysterically while squeezing him with the strength of a bear. I could not control my emotions. Looking at the fear in the eyes of my children was what pained me the most. "They were the most important thing in my life and I had failed them, I thought."
As I continued down the path of my illness, the well-being of those closet to me was hardly a concern. I was so absorbed in my own pain I didn't think about the anguish I was causing others, especially those closest to me. Despite having gone through my mothers, Grandmother, and a first cousin's suicide, I could not relate to the family's perspective. It was not until I took NAMI's, (National Alliance on Mental Illness) class, Family to Family, that I began to appreciate the loved ones perspective on mental illness. I would highly recommend this class to any family member having difficulty accepting or understanding the diagnosis of their loved ones.Today, I have a great relationship with my sons and am so proud of how they are shaping their lives. My youngest son is going to college at Johnson and Whales in Rhode Island. My oldest son, just got accepted from his top choice for grad school to get his PhD in Physical Therapy. So in review, they will be able to cook and physically take care of me in my old age. LOL
The truth is, I love them more than I believe they know and miss them everyday. If you would like to see more of their reactions to my journey, please let me know and I will send you a link to my documentary for free.
I would like to hear back from you, so I will be asking a question of the week. How important do you think a family's relationship is to the process of Recovery? Thanks