I can't remember being challenged with having to maintain my emotional balance since having my two psychotic breakthroughs. This weekend: I found out my fiancé biopsy for breast cancer was negative, I attended one of my best friends daughter's wedding in Vail, CO, went to my beloved cousin's funeral after she suffered from Scleroderma for four years, my sister was admitted to the hospital in severe pain with Pleurisy, and came home to a sick dog that had to go to the animal ER.
I am so thankful, that in my recovery, I have learned the tools to handle potential roller coaster emotions and events. I constantly reminded myself to focus on being in the present and to run through "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. I was able to keep my word impeccable by not blaming anyone or my higher power for the negative events. I did not take anything personally to avoid becoming a victim of the circumstances. I did not assume that my fiancé had breast cancer before we found out, and I tried my hardest to keep practicing the tools I have been using in my recovery. Of course, I cannot discount the love and support I received from my family and fiancé during all this.
I tried to switch any negative thoughts that would enter my head with positive ones. "Denise will be ok, my cousin is finally resting in peace, my sister will be fine, and our dog will get well." Despite all the challenges of the weekend, I was still able to experience the joy and love that was all around me at my friend's wedding by staying in the present moment.
The greatest lesson I learned this weekend was witnessing the strength of my 100-year-old Uncle and 86-year-old Aunt during my cousin's illness and eventual passing. Their courage and love for their daughter was undaunted. In addition, my sister, despite her own physical struggles, tirelessly drove them 60 miles to see her almost every day. To witness all of their love and courage was an inspiration for me.
I hope my weekend journey can help some of you who are going through struggles of your own. I know the tools that I have described helped me.